Silent Plea

So I am sitting up late last night freaking out hardcore, my emotions are all wacky and I am crying for the 4 time that day wondering why? Why can't I have an easy relationship? I mean I am not trying to brag or sound full of myself but I think I am a great person to be with, I am loving, forgiving,Horny just about always,I like to try new things,I love to do thing, or just sit at home with you and watch TV. My point is that minus needing your attentions and lots of sex, I am really not that hard to be with. I will tell you everything I need from you, and I try not to play games...you know I don;t do all the stuff other girls do to their guys to be mean. So while I am crying,again, over a boy last night I had this little self conversation, and you no what I learned from it? That I am either really pathetic (which I hope isn't the case). or I am just to forgiving. I mean I do everything for the guy I like. I go out of my way to look good for him and all the nice girlfriend stuff that I fell girlfriends are suppose to do and yet guys are always leading me on or using me to get something, and for the longest time I felt like this was somehow my fault, like I was warped or something because every guy does it to me, but now I realized that yes it is my fault because I let them over and over I get into these weird relationships and over and over they blow up in my face leaving me with shrapnel in every part of me, gaping hole where my heart used to be, crying on the floor trying to hold myself together, wishing I had known better . I am now I am afraid that I may soon be once again walking through this terrible field of blown up Tot pieces and shatters love, because I am at a crossroads with Jake. I don't know what's going on , and I feel like maybe he is trying to end it with me or at the very least he is pulling away. I don't want this and I don't know what to do about it, all I can do is try not to cry really, and hope that I am wrong. I do know however that I am sick to death of crying, and of having my heart ripped out by people that weren't worthy of it anyway. I don't deserve to be treated the way I have by other guys before now. So this is my silent plea, my secret spell of hope: Jake please DON'T be like those other one, I am begging you silently to not hurt me. Please please please