The Two that Matter.

Right now in my life... there are two that matter... My Sun God... and My Cadaver.  Both are my life, my heart and my world. My son and My soul mate... My Cadaver... Like none before him, he is the one for now, for then, forever. Our life is going so well already, and it will only get better because he raises me up and makes me want to be more then I was, more then I am, and everything he sees me as. My Sun god... Apollo... the one who saved me from me. He made me need to be more, and I would be just another dumb chick messing up my life one jerk at a time if it wasn't for him. My Cadaver is the only one I will share him with... he is the father he deserves, the father that wants him and loves him, like a real father should. In a year Cadaver will be mine forever, and I can't wait... time passes quickly when you wish it slowed and sleeps by when you wish it would slow. I wish my sons life wasn't flying by , and I wish that next years wasn't so far out.

Wonder

So I have this horrible break up with Droge and I am all totally off relationships and such.... then I meet Cadaver.... and everything didn't matter anymore...

So Here we Are

Well this has now become my little writing journal type thing.... and I will be writing in it more often for my sanity. So as of right now my life is as follows.... I am basically homeless ( well living temporarily with my mom)  I have a job but my checks are all messed up because my car was broken for like 5 days

I cant really afford a babysitter but I need to go to work to afford my baby sitter

I have a girlfriend who lives 4 hours away and no boyfriend because he showed me a side of him I can't accept as well as proving to me that if I have to spend all my time trying to prove to someone that I am trustworthy when I haven't done anything wrong then I shouldn't bother trying... I give my all to someone I am with but apparently I should just stop that and be a distant ass like everyone else. I know it won't happen that way but I feel hurt and let down again... Why is it that when we met they are so into me then that just goes away? What is it that I am doing to make myself so unwanted? Whatever then have fun being without me, because I am off to enjoy my life and be a good mother!  So on a positive side of my life currently... I am looking for apartments... on my own! So sick of roommate drama! I am working and so far m job hasn't been going so bad... I really like it and I am, in fact, getting a raise! This guy i used to like a lot has shown back up in my life and its really nice to be in touch again. We always had a lot of fun and he has never pressured me to do anything and he has grown up a lot and really understands where my life is right now... its nice. No expectations, just taking it where it goes, one day at a time.

Then its snapped

And then it was broken...... We are not a you and I.... we don't even speak.... But its okay... I will be just fine.... My heart is broken and I am alone... but I press on... I have to, for my little sun god.
I don't get to wallow around and feel bad for myself... I must stand up and dust myself off and be on to the next stage....Still sucks

Falling Apart

Well.... It was all great... I was happy and it was perfect.... now this.... he will never trust me he doesn't trust me... how am I suppose to feel about this... I am sick of fighting to prove that I am worth it... that I am a great women... I try my hardest and I try my best....Why is that never enough?

Its been awhile

So it has been a long time since I last posted here, so time for an update.
Apollo is 8 months old and huge, he is the best baby and son in the whole world.
I am dating Droge, and he is amazing, he treats me like I matter. He cares about my feelings and makes me feel better about all the dumb guys I dated before him. I am happy and I love him.
I got a van, my own car in my own name!
I just moved in to a townhouse with good friend of mine and it is basically going well so far.
I just go this full time job at Dungarvin, I am very excited, it makes me feel like a real adult. I have the ability to support my family with one job. This makes me feel very grown up lol.
I got another tattoo its large and on my side, this brings me to a total of 4 tattoos.
I am in school to become a CNA, and only a few months away from finishing my BA in healthcare administration from the U of Phoenix/
I really feel like my life is on a good track and I feel even better because I have done this on my own so far, I have gotten my life on track after all that happened. I have never been so happy!